Anyway, attached to that quaint document is a little thing called the Bill of Rights. And right there on the first page is a paragraph guaranteeing freedom of speech. (Of course, I read an online version of the first amendment, so instead of actual text I got a message saying that "comment number one was removed by moderator". But, I do seem to remember from junior high that there had been something there about freedom of speech.)
Having just come from reading a (neo) conservative site that shall remain nameless, (Hint: It begins with FREE and ends with Republic.) I experienced a great deal of cognitive dissonance. I tried to resolve the problem with logic:
- If the Constitution guarantees freedom of speech,
- and conservatives believe in the Constitution,
- then conservatives believe in free speech.
(This is called a syllogism for those of you who were left behind as children.)
Unfortunately, logic in this case didn't square with reality, bringing me back to the original conundrum - why are conservatives so scared of the Constitution?
I thought about it, I researched it, I read the Federalist Papers, and then I had an epiphany - the moonbats who wrote the Constitution were not prepared for global Jihad.
The War on Terror has changed everything, and now what we really need to fear is the Constitution itself. Only consider how wrong-headed our founding document really is:
- All legislative powers shall be vested in a Congress - WRONG! The President needs the power to use signing statements and executive orders to bypass Congress so the terrorists don't get an edge.
- The Congress shall have the power to declare war - WRONG! The President should have the power to initiate pre-emptive wars against terrorists whenever the hell he feels like it so we won't have to fight them here. And Congress should just get the hell outta the way, or better still, pass ambiguous "use of force" resolutions without reading them.
- The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it. - WRONG! Freakin' moonbats forgot to add an exception for whenever the President feels like it - provided he's a Republican.
- Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech. - WRONG! Clearly, any speech tending to disagree with neo-conservative principles should be snipped, banned, removed, reproved, deleted and responded to with rigorous name-calling. This includes (but is not limited to) any mention of fairness in Middle East policy, criticism of un-declared wars, praise of Ron Paul or soul-searching of Republican foreign policies. (Of course, any whiff of agreement with liberals or Democrats on any issue is clearly treason and punishable by death.)
- The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. - WRONG! Damn trolls forgot about the need for warrantless wiretapping of citizens.
- In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense. - WRONG! Clearly the founders were newbies at drafting legal documents, as they forgot the need for illegal prisons where people can be incarcerated without trial indefinitely.
- ...nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. - WRONG! Waterboarding Rocks!
I could go into the Amendments, but I think you see where we're headed. It became obvious to me (as I'm sure it is to you) that the only thing for a real conservative to do is to abolish the Constitution and start over.
What we really need is a document that reflects current conservative thought. And clearly, the way to win the War on Terror is fight fire with fire. The one thing conservatives have proven they can do is to use religion as a weapon of mass destruction.
In my next post I will offer constructive neo-conservative advice on a re-write that will take into account the new post-9/11 reality. I have some terrific thoughts on the incorporation of The Ten Commandments. Stay tuned...
